So, I worshiped for the first time in a while tonight. A rather long while actually. It’s part of my relationship with God that I have dearly missed. Relationship…that’s an interesting word. It is a word that I use a great deal in my own version of christianese…maybe Shackish, like Turkish? (if someone knows of a better way to conjugate Shack into a language, let me know please.) Anyways, I throw that word around a lot, probably more than I should, and definitely more than I actually engange in relationships of any kind. It’s really not a specialty of mine. It is actually more of a crippling disability in my life. I’m really really terrible at them. usually after a undetermined amount of time I give up, or just get bored, or throw myself in to my relationship with another person. It has a bad effect of building very strong bonds and then leaving the other party blinking at the empty space where I used to be. I’m working on it. It’s not easy. 

So yeah, my relationship with God is no different. I still have a terrible habit of jumping ship on Him. But tonight was different. I got home from work, I read some Mark 4 and then was super inspired to draw to express the place I’d found myself in mid-chapter. The work still needs some fine tuning, but I think I might actually try to paint this one ;-). It’s basically me understanding that I am the seed that fell among the gravel and the thorns. I really am loving Mark more and more as I read. He shows such an amazing side of Christ. Such love and grace. It’s kinda really amazing. So after that I finished reading and realized again what a gracious God I have the blessing of being loved by. That He would take so much persecution and allow Himself to feel so much pain and sorrow so that He could explain how His Kingdom works and how it interacts with this world of the flesh, is something that I kind of can’t get over right now. Then I went and worshiped and prayed for the first time in so long, and I’m slowly remembering how this relationship works, and why I have invested so much of my life and heart into it.