So, I worshiped for the first time in a while tonight. A rather long while actually. It’s part of my relationship with God that I have dearly missed. Relationship…that’s an interesting word. It is a word that I use a great deal in my own version of christianese…maybe Shackish, like Turkish? (if someone knows of a better way to conjugate Shack into a language, let me know please.) Anyways, I throw that word around a lot, probably more than I should, and definitely more than I actually engange in relationships of any kind. It’s really not a specialty of mine. It is actually more of a crippling disability in my life. I’m really really terrible at them. usually after a undetermined amount of time I give up, or just get bored, or throw myself in to my relationship with another person. It has a bad effect of building very strong bonds and then leaving the other party blinking at the empty space where I used to be. I’m working on it. It’s not easy.
So yeah, my relationship with God is no different. I still have a terrible habit of jumping ship on Him. But tonight was different. I got home from work, I read some Mark 4 and then was super inspired to draw to express the place I’d found myself in mid-chapter. The work still needs some fine tuning, but I think I might actually try to paint this one ;-). It’s basically me understanding that I am the seed that fell among the gravel and the thorns. I really am loving Mark more and more as I read. He shows such an amazing side of Christ. Such love and grace. It’s kinda really amazing. So after that I finished reading and realized again what a gracious God I have the blessing of being loved by. That He would take so much persecution and allow Himself to feel so much pain and sorrow so that He could explain how His Kingdom works and how it interacts with this world of the flesh, is something that I kind of can’t get over right now. Then I went and worshiped and prayed for the first time in so long, and I’m slowly remembering how this relationship works, and why I have invested so much of my life and heart into it.
tylrnclrbnsn:
somethingfortheladies:
Amy Winehouse - “Valerie (cover)”
I saw someone’s comment on Facebook this morning that read: “No real loss there.” Whoever wrote that obviously hasn’t heard this song.
Seriously. She was an incredible talent. She was, in my opinion, one of the few musicians today actually creating worthwhile music. It is a shame that she struggled the way she did and couldn’t get it together to create even more music and it is tragic that her life was cut so short.
Agreed. Just because one struggles doesn’t mean that they don’t have worth.
Filed under formspring.me
Filed under formspring.me
it would be a picture with me and all my family, friends from high school, my church, and the friends I’ve worked with. but set in my favorite place in Hawai’i, diamond head.
Filed under formspring.me
I feel like I SHOULD know who this is…but i’m kinda spacing out right now
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I just had the compulsion to draw for the first time in a very very long time. I regularly feel the need to produce art of some kind, but that’s just my creative side of me getting antsy. This was a little more intense than that. I, of course, couldn’t find any of my stuff….b/c I’ve been basically artistically barren due to my lack of confidence in my art, so it was a compulsion unrequited. But this could bode very well for me. I’m hoping that this Basic Drawing class at tech will help me get some of my confidence back and I’ll start drawing again, b/c that’s always kind of been my gateway to bigger things.
We’ll see how it goes.
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It feels like I can’t sleep anymore. I feel like I can’t trust myself to make good decisions and the right choice anymore. I cant decide if I’m going to become a person that I love or hate. My relationships with God is basically God pursuing me constantly and fiercely and me running as fast as I can in pursuit of Him half of the time and the other half I’m refusing to even look in His direction. Why can’t my love for Him be enough. Why can’t obedience come naturally to me? Why does my life have to be so unbalanced? I need money, but work feels like it’s killing me a little bit each day. It’s slow and then really busy and then slow and then dead and then really packed and this stop and go pace is draining me so much….and then I get home and I’m so anxious about everything that I can barely go to sleep so I’m not getting any rest. I have circles under my eyes, I’m breaking out more than I ever have before in my life, my hair is looking awkward and I need to lose weight and tone up.
This is my current state of mind. Life isn’t really going all that badly, but this is what’s going through my head most of every day. I’m going a little crazy. Any kind of help would be appreciated…maybe prayer? I hear that works.
I’ve always thought about teaching, pretty much since I was in middle school. But what really got me thinking about Art Ed was a class at tech. I took this art appreciation class and we watched a video on 21st century artist. I saw all of these artist living their lives in their studios. And it hit me in class one day that I would never be happy unless i was doing the same. I really needed to pursue a career in art, and Education seemed like the best logical choice and the most enjoyable. I love kids and art got me through high school, so i’d like to pay it forward i guess.
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